When All is Lost
by Mandy
Summary: It's been 10 years since Casey died. April and Don are still dealing with the pain. In response to a fic challenge.


I wrote this lil fic as an answer to a fic challenge by emeraldeyes84. I used the quote: "_It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." _It's a Chuck Palahniuk quote. After writing this, it gave me an idea for a long chaptered fic but I'm not sure if I want to write it or not (I've got too many chaptered fics going on at the moment..hehe). Let me know what you think and enjoy!

When All is Lost

It had been ten years since Casey had died. Nobody saw it coming. The one that it had affected the most was standing alone by his gravesite. She placed flowers down on his grave like she had done every year to commemorate the loss. Not only had she lost Casey, she had lost her family as well. Shortly after Casey had died, her friends had become distant which made it even harder to deal with the pain. She could only wonder what they were up to nowadays. April O'Neil took one last glance at the grave of the one she had loved. After all these years she was still unable to completely heal from the loss. The wind blew harshly, making a mess of her tied up hair. Loose strands kept catching themselves on her lips as she made her way through the graveyard. She fumbled with her keys and unlocked her car door before getting in and driving home.

The next couple of weeks were bland and boring; much like life had been for those lonely years. She ate, slept, and worked; being on autopilot was the only way she could function anymore. So many memories of the past now haunted her; there was so much life in those moments.

A shadowed figure viewed the city from above the rooftops. He was completely clothed, covering any questionable features. He looked upon the city that he hadn't seen in ages. He breathed in the foul smelling air that the city had to offer. Ten years ago, he and his brothers had parted ways. He hadn't heard from any of them since that time, a time that seemed so innocent. He soon disappeared into the shadows and traversed to the underground chambers beneath the streets.

April was feeling nostalgic like she tended to around the anniversary and so she decided to make her yearly pilgrimage to the place she used to feel so at home at one time. She descended down into the dark, dank tunnels, splashing through the unsanitary water as she made her way to the turtles' lair. It was dusty and everything was the same as it had been throughout the years that she had visited except for that the lights were on. She cautiously entered, watching out for any unusual characters.

He had been wandering the lair, disappointed that there wasn't a soul to be found and it looked as if there hadn't been since the time he had left. Then he saw her. At first he thought he had been hallucinating but it was really April.

April saw the figure before her, not believing the sight before her very eyes.

"Hi, April..it's been a long time, hasn't it?" the stranger said with pained maturity.

"Don? Is that you?"

"Yes..it's me." Don looked a little perplexed. "What are you doing here?"

"I..I missed you guys. Ever since you left, I've felt so empty." Don sighed and looked down desolately.

"You know we couldn't have associated with you after.." he choked. Even after all these years, the memories were still painful.

"But..what's the use in living when you have nothing to live for?" April asked. Don just stood there lost in his turmoil. "I've spent all these years alive and healthy but for what? There's no point in living if I don't have my dear friends by my side." Don finally looked up with a sad smile on his face.

"I know…I've been so alone for so long. I don't know how much longer I can live this way." April nodded on the verge of tears. Finally she broke down crying. Shocked, Don didn't know what else to do but embrace her. They stayed in that moment, clinging to the warmth it had to offer but finally they released each other.

"Welcome home." April said with tears still glistening in her eyes. Don smiled; it had been awhile since he had truly done that.

"I'm so glad I came back."

"Me too."

Don had moved in with April and had become an occupant of her couch. After a week of settling into to their not so lonely lives, Don was ready to tell April what had happened.

"I think Raph took it the hardest. He was more agitated than usual. Raph and Leo were constantly bickering about every little thing until finally Raph suddenly left us one day. Leo began to feel extremely guilty about it and he soon left to look for Raph. I haven't heard from either one of them since. I'm afraid that I was the one that left Mikey." Don choked back the impending tears. April rubbed the back of his shell soothingly. "I don't know why but one day I just felt like running away from it all and I left my brother behind. I guess I just didn't want to deal with anything. It was so wrong of me to leave him to suffer on his own. I came back hoping he'd still be around but he's gone." April wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in. "I don't know if you know this but April, I've been at the farm the whole time." April was shocked. There were so many times when she wanted to go there and reminisce about Casey but never found the courage to. "I built a life for myself first by tinkering with everything there and then I got a job writing computer software from home but I have always felt like I was missing something."

"Yes, all these years I wondered where everybody went. My world has felt so empty but now the grayness is slowly being colored in. Having you here has rejuvenated me." Don looked down feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I feel the same way." He responded quietly. Yes, for the moment it seemed like he had lost everything but that didn't mean it wasn't too late to build something new.

Months had passed and their new life together had become a normal thing. Don was sitting on the couch; busy writing code for some new software and April was enjoying the light clicking of the keys. Don suddenly shut the laptop and looked over at April. She smiled at him.

"Well I guess I'm done for the day." April and him had gotten to be really close friends now. He was glad to have her around to talk to, listen to, and grieve with. She sat next to him and he felt nervous all of a sudden. She smiled at him and shyly gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Don blinked in shock trying to figure out if he was dreaming.

"I'm sorry." April quickly said.

"Please, don't be." Don replied lifting a hand. He gently held her chin as lightly caressed her lips with his. Words couldn't describe how nervous and happy he was. Just like that, their connection ended. "Maybe I shouldn't have done that. What would Casey think?" Don asked guiltily.

"Don, Casey passed away ten years ago. Maybe it's time I stopped grieving over him. I wish I could anyways, but I'm so afraid of forgetting him too."

"Just because you're healing doesn't mean you're totally disregarding him."

"I guess you're right. I have you to thank for allowing me to move forward." Don looked shocked.

"What about the fact that we all abandoned you? Things probably wouldn't have been so bad otherwise." Don stated looking down at his hands, ashamed for not being there for her all those years ago.

"Well, I know you were all just grieving in your own ways. You were afraid of losing me too, right?"

"Yes." Don answered quietly.

"Then it wasn't your fault for what happened; it's in the past now."

"Yes, I suppose you're right about that." Don mulled through everything that had happened in the past few minutes. "So what does this all mean then?" Don gestured at the couch they were sitting on.

"I don't know but I think it's the start of something good."

"April, I've always had a crush on you but I knew that you loved Casey so I never interfered with that." April nodded.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Don pondered the thought.

"Life changes, we change, we evolve, and yet we continue to thrive. I feel like I really did lose everything, my brothers, Casey, and you but now I've never felt so free. There's nothing holding me back and I feel like I'm free to love you now."

"I admit that after all these years, I still love Casey but now I feel free to finally let him go. I'm free to move forward and I'm free to love you now, Don." April leaned in and kissed him once again this time much more firmly. They regretted the past, didn't know what the future would bring, but at least they could savor the present.

The End

I thought of this fic as blueprints that give a basic outline of a possible multi-chaptered fic I could put together. Let me know if you're interesting in this turning into a long story still trying to decide if she should do it


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